Don't Pick Fights, Mr Strider
by Princessofspades12
Summary: Bar fights aren't your thing. Make outs and shower sex are your thing. DaveJade oneshot because I haven't written anything for them in a while. It's not smutty, but there are mentions of smut without any detail and I also thought it was too much to be T. It's kind of a romance, but also dramatic and humorous so I don't know how to categorize this.


Bar fights aren't your thing. Make outs and shower sex are you thing. However, when some motherfucker wants to pick a fight with you, then you're not going to back down. It's not how Bro taught you to be. It's not how you are. Now, you're usually a pretty chill guy, few things annoying you and you've never once gone looking for a fight, but you like to call it self-defense. Maybe it's your fault for having the prettiest girl in the place on your arm, or maybe it's because you just look like someone to fuck with. You aren't.

At an insane height of six foot five, you tower over almost everyone. Yeah, you're pretty damn boney with little muscle and the only chub on you is the layer of "baby fat" you still haven't lost due to a strict diet of Doritos and apple juice. So maybe you aren't the most intimidating guy in the joint, but you're still not someone to fuck with. Maybe this guy didn't get the message that you were here with your girlfriend, that she didn't want anything to do with him, that you were only there to have a few drinks and celebrate her new coming of age.

Why the hell not have a few drinks on your lady's birthday? It's not like either of you are pathetic teenagers looking for trouble and your apartment is only a few blocks away, so you weren't gonna drive home. Besides, you weren't planning on getting drunk. You thought the two of you would have a few beers, dance a little, make out, and then go home and fuck. That's usually how her birthdays go and Jade insists that she wouldn't have it any other way. You don't complain.

You're used to Jade being hit on by other guys, so usually it's not a big deal. She'll say no and if they don't back down, you'll put your arm around her and ask if there's a problem. That usually gets douchey guys to leave her alone. But this time, you weren't there. You left for maybe two minutes to go to the bathroom and you come back to some asshat trying to smooth talk his way to her pants. She's clearly uncomfortable and as you step closer, you hear her telling him to leave, and him not getting the message.

This irritates you. Why can't these assholes just respect Jade's wishes and leave her alone? Oh that's right, because she's a girl and all guys are entitled to have any girl they want. Okay, yeah, you're pretty pissed, but you don't show it. What's the point of getting angry with this guy? It'll only cause trouble. So you do what you always do and grab her waist and ask if there's a problem here. The guy's clearly a lot shorter than you and probably not much taller than five foot eleven, making you at least half a foot taller. This doesn't intimidate him in the least.

"Lay off, man. She's mine." You whistle because you think that's slightly less degrading than calling him a fucking moron, like you want to. Jade giggles, because that's the best thing she can think to do in this situation; giggle. You lift her chin to look you in the eyes and press a kiss to her lips. A deep blush spreads across her cheeks and a look of confusion spreads across her eyes. You glance back at the ass, a smirk tugging at your lips. "Sorry bro, she's taken." Jade's confusion turns to amusement as she realizes what you did. "Why don't you go degrade someone else?"

Shit. He looks pissed. You think part of it is because he doesn't know what 'degrade' means and when stupid people don't understand something, they get temperamental. But you know that logically, it's because you just insulted him and "ruined" his nonexistent chances with a beautiful girl. He grabs you by your shirt collar, bringing you down to his height and a growl erupts deep in his throat. "You wanna say that to me again, you fucking cunt?" You don't show any hint of emotion, but his breath makes you want to gag.

"You smell like taco meat and desperation." That was probably not the best idea. He shoves you away from him and you stumble a little. You put up your shields and prepare for anything and everything. You've fought Bro more times than you can count and you're prepared for anything. _Don't let them know that you're threatened. _Bro's words run through your mind as he runs at you. You're easily able to maintain a poker face, mainly because you _aren't_ threatened. You have no intention to draw the fight out, so you side-step him, leaving your foot in his path. He trips, as expected and lands face first on the floor.

He growls and attempts to stand up, but you plant your foot on his back, forcing all your weight onto it. You twist your heel ever-so-slightly over his spinal column and he makes an almost whining sound out of pain. You glance back at Jade, whose expression is unreadable. "Are we done here?" You ask him, but he doesn't reply. You take your foot off of him, slowly and cautiously. You aren't planning on turning your back, so you call Jade over to you and grab her hand. You glance at her, still able to see him from your peripheral vision. "Sorry." You mumble and she shrugs. "It's his fault anyway." You notice him start to get up and you tense.

But he doesn't even give you a second glance as he walks in the other direction, toward the dance floor. You breathe a sigh of relieve, but you're still not fully convinced that it's over. Jade's palm touches your cheek and she turns your head to face her. She has to stand on her toes to kiss you, which annoys her because she's in no way short. She's always been the tall girl, at a height of five foot ten, but around you and your ridiculous height, she's practically a midget. You bend down to catch her in a sweet, chaste kiss and even when you pull away, you still have an arm around her waist.

"So you aren't pissed?" You ask and she shakes her head. "I can't see any reason why I would be. You were only standing up for me and it's not your fault he had a temper." You feel a smile tug at your lips because you know that if you had been with anyone else, they'd be pissed as hell, but not Jade because she's just so damn forgiving. You pull her into another kiss, one of your hands resting and her cheek and the other wrapped around her waist. When you kiss her, it feels like time stops and nothing matters but the two of you, so you continue, your lips moving together for who knows how long.

You feel a tap on your shoulder and start to wonder who the fuck is stupid enough to interrupt two people making out. Wait. You know _exactly_ who's stupid enough to do that and you know when you turn around, he's going to sock you in the face. Jade's eyes are closed, so she has no idea. You continue to kiss her, but you look up to see three other goons standing behind her. He brought friends. You bring your lips to Jade's ear, trying to make it look like you're whispering sweet nothings to her. "Pretend I'm talking dirty." You say. When she opens her eyes, she sees him and gets the picture. "He thinks he's smart, which is the worst kind of stupid. He'll probably swing at me when I turn around and I'll duck. I don't want you to get hit, so duck with me, okay?" She nods, biting her lips and closing her eyes. Her nails dig into your back and you know she's pretending that she's getting hot and bothered. You plant a kiss to her jaw for good measure. You feel the tap on your shoulder again and you have to hand it to him, he's pretty persistent. You turn around slowly, noticing his balled fist and the tenseness in his arm. Yep, he's definitely going to swing.

You turn around in a rush, seeing his fist flaying towards you and you duck, pulling Jade down with you. The other three grab you from behind, one of them whispers "Why don't we take this outside?" You scoff, allowing Jade time to get out of that mess. "Why don't you buy me dinner first?" You feel his grip on you tighten and you realize that even though three of them are short and pudgy, the one holding you is almost to your height and a lot more muscular. Okay, now you're threatened. "Maybe you should keep your big mouth shut." He growls and you don't let your nerves show through your face.

Instead, you smirk. You'd rather look like a cocky asshole than a nervous wreck. "No need to walk me out guys, a lady can hold a door open for herself." You say, hoping that maybe the more self-deprecating jokes will calm them down some. You're wrong. "Shut your mouth!" one of the shorter, less intimidating ones says and you feel like laughing. "Why don't you make me short stack?" You do laugh a little, and instantly regret it. He punches you in the stomach and you have to admit, the guy has some strength. You laugh again, because laughing is better than showing fear or weakness. "Nice swing, tiny." You say and he balls his fists, ready to swing at you again. "Why don't you just keep your mouth shut for a little while?" The fourth guy says and you really have to try not to laugh. He has a ridiculous voice.

They drag you outside and into an alley. They think they have you surrounded and helpless, but you know exactly what to do. You've fought more opponents at once, better ones, stronger and faster guys because Bro wouldn't have it any other way. You know what to do. _If you feel overwhelmed, that means you're losing. _You have control of this situation. You're prepared for anything. _There's no such thing as cheating in the real world. If they fight dirty, so should you. _ Your arms are still pinned behind your back, rendering them useless, for now. You kick the guy holding you in the groin and head butt him. He stumbles back, letting go of you. Another charges, and you side-step him. You grab his shoulder and knee him in the stomach.

When he bends over in pain, you bring your knee up to his face, making him fall over onto the concrete. _Don't let them get behind you and don't let them corner you. _It's hard to pick off opponents one at a time. While two run at you, you prepare yourself. You duck when they get close enough and run into each other, knocking their heads together. You elbow one in the face and uppercut the other. Poor asshole had his tongue between his teeth and you think he might be bleeding. Fine, whatever. It's his fault anyway.

Two of them are completely unconscious, but the other two have unfinished business. One is the bigger guy, who you were hoping would back off because damn is he scary, and the other is the cunt who was trying to get with Jade in the first place. Fine. You can handle him, no problem. It's Chewbacca over there you're worried about. If he decides to pull a knife, you're fucked. He won't show mercy like Bro does when it comes to blades. Bro would never hospitalize you; you can't say the same for either of these guys.

One of them is beginning to form a black eye and his nose is looking pretty crooked. You begin to wonder how hard you elbowed him. The other has a split lip, which you're pretty sure you couldn't have done from a head-butt or a kick to the gonads. His chin is bruised and there's blood on his forehead. You've hardly been touched at all, but you're getting winded. The adrenaline is starting to wear off, which is just making you realize how tired you really are. "You can back out now, guys. We can end this. Do you wanna end up like your buddies over there, or do you wanna enjoy the rest of your night?" The short one is breathing pretty heavily and he asks "How are you so good at fighting?" You stay quiet. Why should you tell this asshole about how the first twenty years of your life were spent training? Why should you tell them that until you met Jade, you were stuck in an apartment in Huston with pornographic puppets and an evil thing called "Cal" that you still have nightmares about?

You shouldn't. They don't need to know anything about you. "Back off." Is all you say and for once in your life, you're deadly serious. "I don't want to spend my Lady's birthday fighting with you assholes." They seem upset, but neither of them charges at you. The hair on the back of your neck stands up and your whole body is tense. You're ready for anything. Except for if they pull a knife. Then you're completely fucked. The tension is the air is so thick that you could cut it with a knife and it's beginning to make you uneasy. You don't like not being able to read their expressions or anticipate their moves. It reminds you too much of your rooftop battles with Bro and quite frankly, you don't want to be reminded of those ever again.

"How old are you kid?" Chewbacca asks and you don't want to answer that either. If they wanted small talk, then they wouldn't be here. You know they're playing some game with you, but you can't figure out what. You keep your lips pressed together and your expression blank because there's really nothing else you can do. That and anticipate the next move. Finally, you figure out their game. They're trying to get you to let your guard down, confuse you so that you can't react quickly enough to their attack. So you play along. You stay alert, but force your muscles to relax. Your expression must look blank to them, but behind your shades, your eyes are wide with worry and anticipation.

You glance at the ground where the other guy is passed out. Wait…..weren't there two of them. Okay, you're fucked. You whipped around just in time to see the shortest one with the funny voice about to attack you. He does have a blade. You wrap one hand around his neck and grab his stomach with the other. You manage to lift his feet off the ground and flip him over you. He lands on his back with a thud and an uncomfortable cracking sound. He screams. You may have broken something. You take is knife from him and throw it in the dumpster.

Fuck these guys and their dirty tricks. You're completely done with this shit. At this point, Jade is probably worried about you and you know if you're out here much longer, she'll come out too. You won't let her fight, even though she's perfectly capable. _Don't let anyone else do your dirty work. It's a sign of weakness and I'm not gonna raise a fucking weakling. _This is your fight and you need to take care of it yourself. "That was literally the most intelligent thing you've done this whole time." You say to them. You make sure there are two of them on the ground this time before allowing your muscles to relax. You step over short stack, who's begun to cry now.

"Sorry man. Next time think twice before trying to stab someone." You tell him and he tries (and fails) to glare at you. You walk up to Chewbacca, slamming your forearm against his neck and pushing him against the wall of the building. You keep your eyes locked on the other guy, but speak to Chewbacca. "I'm going inside now." Is all you say before releasing him and beginning to walk away.

What happened next was too fast for you to react. You felt an arm wrap around your neck and squeeze. He's strong, but he's pulling you down too. You aren't sure which one it is. You gasp for air and your mind goes fuzzy. How are you supposed to get out of a choke hold again? You kick at him, trying to get his groin, but your aim is off. You can't breathe. You hear a scream and for a moment wonder if it's your own, but it's too high pitched and you can't imagine screaming in this state. No, it came from Jade. She begins tearing at him, clawing at his back and arms and trying to tear him away from you.

Black spots dance across your eyes and there's a ringing in your ears. The world seems to be fading away and even Jade's screams are just a distant ring. You can't focus or breathe. You feel like you're going to die here until it all stops. You're not dead and you're still conscious, you see Jade breathing heavily and the guy who was choking you is passed out. You gasp for breath and she runs to your side, hugging you tightly as if she's afraid to let you go. "Please baby, let's just go home. Please." You cough and a bit of blood splatters to the ground. Jade's eyes grow wide in panic and you tell her you'll be okay, it's fine, you'll be fine.

"Wait, you two are like," You hear from the last guy standing. He was the original douchebag, the one who started all this shit in the first place. "Together….?" You ball your fists, your nails digging into your palms. Before you can say anything, Jade speaks up and she's clearly about to chew this guy out. "Are you fucking kidding me!? He said I was taken, didn't he!? Well? DIDN'T HE!?" She's near hysteria and you grab her shoulders, rubbing them soothingly to try and calm her down. "Let it go, babe." You whisper and you think that she would have calmed down if the idiot didn't open his mouth again.

"I thought he hit on you earlier tonight….. I didn't…. I thought if he backed down I'd have a chance with you." And she's boiling mad again. She screams out of frustration and anger. She's about to ripe this guy's fucking head off, you're sure. "That's none of your concern! How dare you treat me like property? I wasn't interested in you because you're a try hard, cocky, stupid, cunt! Why would you think fighting would solve it anyway? And if you're going to fight someone over a girl, than you better fucking do it yourself instead of cornering him with three other guys like a pathetic loser! And guess what? You still lost!" She huffs and storms off in a rage. You laugh and say "You had it coming, man" before following her.

She's a few feet ahead of you and you have to run a little ways to catch up with her. You drape your arm around her shoulders, chuckling to yourself. "You're incredible, you know that?" You ask and a hint of a smile tugs at her lips. "What an utter fucktard." She grumbles and you swear you could take her right now. You kiss her temple and she stops walking. She turns to face you with a look of concern evident on her face. Her finger tips graze across your lips and then to your neck, which makes you wince. "Dave…." Her voice trails off and you realize that was probably talking to herself. She reaches for your shades and you move away from her. You aren't okay with taking them off in public. Instead, you take both her hands in yours and plant a kiss to her nose. "Just wait babe. You can take them off when we get home."

When you do get back to your apartment, she immediately grabs your shades and sets them on a little table by your front door. You're sure that your eyes look tired and panicked and just a little bit wild. "How's your neck?" She asks and you cringe. "Shitty. Chewbacca really had some strength." She glances at you and you forget that you only called him that in your own head. "The big guy who was almost my height." You clarify and Jade nods. "I wasn't ready. Bro had taught me how to get out of a choke hold, but I couldn't think straight with my windpipe being crushed. It's my own damn fault." You say bitterly.

"No, don't say that, baby! It was his fault for trying to kill you over something so petty. Don't take the blame for someone else's actions." _It's always your fault if you lose. Don't be ignorant, don't be cocky, and don't let your guard down._ _You don't have to be stronger to over-power someone; you just have to be quicker and smarter._ You were quicker and smarter than those guys, but you got cocky and let your guard down. You failed yourself and you ruined Jade's night. Tonight was supposed to be fun, but instead you got yourself in trouble and nearly choked to death. You're a failure as a boyfriend.

"Let's just go to bed, babe." You say; your pride too strong to admit to her what a failure you think you are. She looks down as if she's disappointed. "Well…..we can, but that's not tradition." You raise your brows. Tradition is you go to the bar, drink a little, dance a little, make out, go home and….oh. "I thought we already broke tradition." You say and she shrugs. "No, we danced, drank and made out. We're still following tradition and we can continue, if you want." You smirk and pull her closer to you by her waist. The tips of your noses are touching, you're so close. You feel her breath on your skin and you really want to lean in and kiss her.

It would be so easy to close the space between the two of you, to have your lips melt together. Hell, it would be pretty fucking easy to close all space between the two of you completely, for you to tear off her clothes and feel her bare skin against you and to connect to her and be inside her. It would be so easy. But it just doesn't feel right. So you let her do it instead. You let her close the space between the two of you and you can't help but kiss her back because it just feels so fucking good. You open your mouth and her tongue slips between your teeth. You groan lightly and roll your hips against hers, pulling your shirt over your head. Her hands roam your torso and you hiss when she brush by the area where you were punched.

She pulls away from in with a look of panic evident on her face. Her expression says everything; _Oh my God, are you okay?_ You want to say something to reassure her that you're fine, but you know she won't listen. She has you sit down and she leaves the room for what seems like ours, even though it's only a few minutes. When she comes back, she has a first aid kit and a wet wash cloth. She sits next to you on the couch, but you won't let her be that far away from you, so you pull her into your lap. She begins dabbing the red mark on your stomach with the cloth. You don't think it' doing anything but making you cold and wet, but you let her continue.

She tells you to open your mouth and you oblige as she checks to see if there's any blood. You don't think you're bleeding anymore and you don't taste any iron. Jade confirms this when she nods and says you can close your mouth. "Are we done now?" You ask and she nods, giggling ever so slightly. You pull her closer to you and begin to plant feather light kisses across her neck, making her sigh with content. You start to nips at her skin and she whines at you and rolls her hips on your lower abdomen. You groan and bite down on her neck, making her squeal. That may have hurt her.

You don't taste blood and she doesn't seem to be trying to stop you, so you continue to kiss and suck at her neck. You're not sure what your thing with her neck is this time, but God do you love the sounds she's making. This continues; this dance the two of you do. You don't look up from her neck the entire time and it's not until after you finish that you notice all the bruises and hickeys you left on her skin. You actually breathe a sigh of relieve that she doesn't have to work tomorrow. You hold her against you, letting her head rest on your shoulder and you hug her tightly. You forgot to give her birthday present to her and you begin to stand up. She whines and grabs at you, not allowing you to leave. That's perfectly fine. Besides, you didn't want to get up anyway.


End file.
